For Writers: A Form Letter in Response to a Rejection Slip

A Form Letter in Response to a Rejection Slip

By James B. Holden

Please feel free to use the form letter below, editing and extrapolating as neccessary, to strike back at arrogant editors who reject your work!  I can only hope rejection slips in response to rejections slips catches on,  inaugurating a desperately needed institution.

Dear (Name of Snooty Magazine):

Regarding time spent in appraisal of my recently submitted work, I wish to extend a word of thanks and also of encouragement.  I have imagined that after no insignificant expenditure of precious minutes and energy, you arrived at your determination not to include my work in your magazine (this virtual treasury of contemporary art with hardly a centimeter remaining for Zen) with a degree of regret if not of real suffering.

As troubling as these instances must be, I urge you to forge ahead, striving and stewing over your heaps of new writing, as it is this very aspect of your venture that sets you so firmly outside that realm inhabited by the majority of publishers, editors, and affiliated.  You will understand my reference: Brown-and-Bard-stamped conference-goers who mingle, as into a martini glass, overweening pretension with a bare dash of artistic sense; who circulate within self-affirming globes of academe like vampire-puffer-fish blowing gaseous nonsense about men like Baudelaire and Yesenin; none of whom have ever rented a hot room with stained carpet in order to face themselves naked, and life, with only a pen.

Yours truly,

(Name of author)    

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